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I hats when I get this way. I know in a matter of hours these thoughts will be alien and obscured to me. But right now they hurt. I do not know where this, well all I can describe it as is loathing topped with pure ennui. I do not know where it comes from, why it strikes me so forcefully, so completely. "Its all a lie, your whole life is a lie." It tells me, that thought comes into my head over and over again.
It makes no sense, in all actuality, my life is not a lie, at most I
Does it hurt you
Us that love you
When we cry out your name?
Does it surprise you?
Does it rise you?
Is this just your game?
And its just not fair to deny that I care,
And fight for what's around the bend.
I'll stop mid-stride,
I'm lost with the tide
Cause you're of the no fair men.
I wont be bitter and say
It was love at first sight that day.
The pain in your eyes
I know the Titanic didn't sink without making some waves. I know that this doom we are facing was written to be several years before I was even involved. I know that I am still very much needed..... but I am also very much over worked.
I wouldn't bitch about it normally, until now, it all didn't even phase me. But I am want to abandon actions I find futile. They are all coming down on me. Me. The only one left. They ask too much, they demand even more. I can't hold up the entire institution,
I used to believe I was doing genuine good in my job. It wasn't glamorous by any means, it caused me a lot of stress, but in my heart of hearts I knew I was doing good by way of my clients, and that no matter who was there or what else went on, I, alone if need be, could take care of them as they needed. And on easy nights, as they dissevered. One client in particular, I could do for her more than anyone else, always. She wasn't always happy with me, but that was our relationship. No matter what
I'm all alone. And even though I have cleaned my apartment, being left alone with my own thoughts and a laptop usually always end with some kind rant. Lucky you.
I had a dream this morning (I don't sleep at night, I sleep during the day. But this morning I went to bed early.) and it was a terrible dream. Myself and several others suffered awful things by some misfortune of fate. I hate that my subconscious is just as quick and thorough as my conscious brain, because she makes it all