cancer

I used it for the first time last night. It was very scary administering it myself. (The nurse even directed me to take an ativan, too.) So much so that I emptied an empty dropper/dose of it the first try. I finally slept well last night. In fact, I plan on going back to bed soon.

It was for approximately $45,000 for a month. I don't know if that even included the fees for my oncologist. Holy shit. I am so glad I have health insurance currently. Now I am trying not to stress for what happens when I am no longer eligible. :/

EDIT: I forgot to add that they want me to pay $20.

for making a nurse laugh too much so they sent her away. The nurse who took her place was unfriendly and ended up getting the fluid that was drained from my abdomen splashed on her. The suction on the octopus contraption that stored the suctioned off liquid stopped working and suddenly the tops popped off. Trouble follows me.

I had to get my abdomen drained again (third time in approximately thirty days! :/ ) and they took almost ten liters out. I had to take a xanax (just a half) ...

I feel okay, but apparently I was really pale this morning and must have looked like I was going to pass out when I was walking over to the place where I get chemo.

My appetite increased today after chemo and my blood counts increased to more acceptable levels. Hopefully, this is what my body needs. I am just going to try and stay positive. Tomorrow will be the real test for how I feel since the meds to make my body accept the chemo will have gone through my system.

...

Saw my oncologist. Next week, I have to start a new chemo that is given weekly.

I have no words right now except that it is a good thing I have xanax.