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So it will have been a year on Thursday that Jeremy left me. I'm still crying over him. It's so pathetic. I just wish I could have him back. More than anything else. I wish he could understand that he was my everything. In the last few days people have been noticing that I've been getting edgy and moody and short tempered but I'm too embarassed to tell them why.

There's a void in me that can't be filled.

It may be that it has been vacated by an absence of emotional stability, amongst other things. Try as I might, going through the day to day, nothing seemed to satiate it. There was a period in the past, at least a quarter of a year, where substances were given in an attempt to plug the hole. Still it demanded more. Laughter, thought to be the best medicine, did little at all to take the empty feeling away. I began to reason with the ...

This whole thing has gotten weird. As Bobbie has begun to introduce Joel into my mind, Chris and I have started to back off our weird flirtation. He's pretty bummed about it (as am I; he's on my "list") but he DOES have a girlfriend of 5 years so we definitely should have ended that a while ago, probably. We're still kind of flirty but not as suggestive and whatnot as before. But he promised me a birthday hug.

I talked to Joel a little bit today. Holy God, he is so cute! ...

I haven't seen Innes in a few days, it's pretty lame. Plus I haven't even heard from him full stop since the exam, but I'll see him tomorrow.

I miss him, and we hardly see eachother enough as it is.







Always spinnin' in my head...

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