ziggyberlin

I am 32 years old and just bought my first house. No,...not with my husband but to help my mom out of yet another divorce. Plus help take care of my two nieces. Now I am mellow. I work nights and sleep days. Do I bitch about getting worse sleep here than my old little studio apartment. Do I bitch about having a cupboard out of all of them in the kitchen for my food or my 1 shelf in the kitchen being overrun with their stuff no. Plus all the other little annoyances. NO! My nieces are downstairs, why the one feels the need to bitch about my smoking when I only do it upstairs and usually when they aren't up here. My cat doesn't even want to come out of my bedroom. Only at night when it's quiet when I am happy. I haven't finished uppacking all my room yet. My mom offered to "help" me. Hinting around that although I sit on my laptop in the front room at night, errr do it in my room instead. Why? Oh I smoke and my niece who isn't even around it 5% of the time bitches.


Uhm,....HELLO!!! Who just gave up her life for however long let alone moving to California so that you can have a nice house in the suburbs. Shit,...she's lucky i'm not smoking crack at this point to cope. I do dishes several times a day, they don't have to! I can't even watch tv in the front room of my house because Hannah fuckin future slut Montana is on 24/7 or until she goes to bed. I shouldn't be able to walk into MY front room for 2 minutes and look at the tv with her on it and go "Oh,...rerun!"

So on a depressing as hell thought, I am stuck here in my house soon holed up in my bedroom with a mini fridge until A: The house is paid off and no longer has to be my primary residence. B. I win the lottery C. The graduate and I can sell it. Which won't happen because of D: Until my mom is dead. YEAH,...okay she put down the vestment payment. 5000,...errr i'm the one who took out the 100K plus 30 year loan and put all the bills in my name.


Bigger bitching,...if the smoking bit doesn't annoy me enough which I asked if I "could smoke in my own home" before I did. She said "yes". She harps at me for drinking,...she does! I had a nice quiet life with no teenagers where I could jerk it worry free before all this. I am surprised I don't drink more! Actually, i've been drinking less!!! Way less and only when I can't sleep.


I am trying EVERYTHING like all hell to make extra money to throw towards the principal. I am back in school, sewing room is now setup and worked on more jewelry today. Switching jobs in a few months and am going to work one 12 hour shift of overtime each week, maybe two if it doesn't interfere with classes.

Worse I have gone back to modeling. It's not really that bad I can make some good money if I keep my weight down. Nothing insane even. Just 125lbs. So I need to lose about 8 pounds. Not really hard, esp. if I didn't drink or lol have my daily pizza. I'll give up alcohol first! So what's my mom do,...try to feed me. It went from brownies to dragging me out to lunch. I don't think this would all be that bad if it wasn't for my nieces. My mom's pretty mellow and caring. I could live with her for the next few years. She doesn't care if I smoke cigs. I don't think she'd even care if I drank if it wasn't for my nieces bitching about that to. I think they bitch about that because I take no shit off of them after a few drinks.

Example: 16 year old niece(who back talks alot) knew my mom said she couldn't go meet some stranger in a Best Buy parking lot to buy a laptop. I find out she's going because my mom's not home and she thinks "Aunt Holly" will let her. I ripped her ass and the boy who drove her. You don't meet anyone off of craiglist in a parking lot to buy something for a few hundred bucks. Esp. when you are a teenager! Worse she commented that the boy was only taking her because she was "screwing him"! I didn't tell my mom this because well she would be dead.

That said, i'm going to go do a less bitchy blog now on myspace where my sister can see. I have more to add, but even typing this right now it's hard not to wish well,... I'm just gonna have to put my foot down. I've had this problem all my life because i'm "nice". Well, if I did say what I was thinking Daniel Tosh would look like a cute fluffy bunny! Yeah I do smoke. It's my choice to get cancer rather than take adderall for my ADHD. Also, yeah I do drink. I don't do it and drive, I don't do it and fuck people, I don't do it in large ass quantities or in public these days, just enough to sleep. I know there are pills for that, but most of them make me hyper as fuck. Also, pills scare me because I sleep walk. If anyone thinks it's justification for drinking, NO it's justification for not killing teenagers! I can't even finish a pint of whiskey. I'm gonna go blog, eat than cry myself to sleep.