If you only knew...

Fuck it all. I wanna give up. (I feel like I'm spamming the blog feed.)

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by
Jess Blaqk
, 09-03-10 at 04:18 PM (1337 Views)
So yea, the military guys came and took Chris away earlier today. They apparently told him that he had to come with them and that they needed him. He only took his uniform and I believe, his cell phone. (Which is getting cut off on the 5th.) I don't know how to feel. I'm hurt and sad and just really depressed because I'm alone. I won't see him for probably a long time, if I ever do. God only knows what the military is going to do to him. I'm really upset because I didn't get to tell him goodbye and kiss him one last time. The more I think about it, the more I want to cry my eyes out.

I am thankful that the last spoken words I said to him were, "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you so much." and the last he said to me were "I love you too." I'm hurting so bad right now. I'm so lost. The last text he got from me that I know he got I told him "I love you. Sweet dreams." and "I'll see you tomorrow." I'm afraid to delete my texts because I don't want to lose the last thing from him I might have for a while.

:'( :'( :'(

I'm so over life in general right now.

X:Jess
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Comments

  1. drawakangaroo's Avatar
    I read all three of your most recent posts, and holy shit, what you're going through is just horrible.
    I do have to say, I'm really glad you did the mature thing and gave him another chance, and that your last memories of him for a while are good ones.
    I honestly don't know what to say to make you feel better, but just hang on, look forward to when he comes home, and try to get by by doing other stuff with your friends.

    Sorry if I seem like just some random person XD
  2. midnightXfairy's Avatar
    Wow. I just read all 3 of your recent posts. Damn, what you're going through is crazy and I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Just reading this almost made me cry. Hold on to the fact that your last memories with one another are good and just surround yourself with wonderful people and hold on. You'll get through it.
  3. Jess Blaqk's Avatar
    Wow, both of your responses made me tear up. I don't think he will be coming home for a while because when someone hides out from the military, they put you in jail. I believe they can sentence you anywhere from 4 to 6 years. YEARS. I will only be living in the city I'm in now until the end of the month.

    The worst part is that I didn't know how he felt about me and our situation before he left. We were supposed to figure it out today and he left before I was even up. I don't know what to do but all I really can do is stay strong and stay surrounded by good people that love me. Today my friends took me out to a park, fed me and allowed me to cry on their shoulder. It's been a coping day and I'm still hurting.

    I think it will hit me really hard tomorrow. I'm going to try to stay positive and hang out. Thanks so much to both of you for reading all my blogs. <3 <3 <3
  4. aliceadict's Avatar
    Oh wowww, I just finished reading a few of your posts and they totally made me cry. ( You're going through some realllly intense things that no one should have to go through. I know everything is really tough right now, but keep the faith-- things WILL get better! You sound like an incredible person and after reading about how you handled these rough situations-- I have nothing but the most respect for your discernment.

    Sorry if I'm intruding, your story was really moving and I just wanted to show my support. D:
  5. Jess Blaqk's Avatar
    You aren't intruding. I put this here to allow people to comment and help me figure out my next mode of action. Thanks for taking the time to read all my epically long blogs. I'm sorry that they made you cry, totally not my intention. I am keeping my head up despite shitty situations and I have made my decision on where I need to go from here.

    Thank you so much for your support.
  6. cryptkeeper's Avatar
    Things Always happen for a reason. Its obvious you love eachother. But from first hand experience I know how it affects a person to be put into these situations. Its horrible to deal with cheating (whether it be physical or emotional). It takes a great toll on your mental emotional and physical health. It puts a huge strain on your relationship (if you choose to stay) that sometimes isnt fixable. You seem to be a lot like myself in the way your life is going latley (I read all your blogs and the ones about your family life are like identical to my life). Its hard not knowing whats going to happen and where you stand in a relationship. My thinking is that maybe this all happened and hes been taken away for a reason. Maybe you should take it easy and meet new guys. If you and Chris are ment to be then it'll happen. But right now you need to take care of YOU. Its great that you have the support of your friends as well. They are a valuable resource to turn to in your time of need. But the fact that Chris isnt at your grasp for a while is tough especially if he is (like in my case) your best friend as well. But just remember you have your friends and they love you very much. I dont know if you believe in a God or not but no matter what you believe it always helps to have someone to vent with, and praying can be an outlet that you need. Ill be praying for you. Everything is going to be okay