If you only knew...

This is my 2010 blog about none other than 2010. I’m gonna crack open my journal and sift through some old DF blogs to dig up all the stuff I’ve been though this year. I’ll try my best to keep it organized by month and not leave out anything that could be important.

This year was hectic. I’ve had incredibly high highs and unbelievably low, lows but I know that, in the end, I did what was right for me. This next year will be full of surprises and many adventures with new friends and a new life around the corner. I’m moving in 2 weeks and it’s gonna be crazy as hell but I’m excited to start a new life in a new place surrounded by people who care about me.

So, here goes…

January: (1-1-10) I got my first tattoo. “Do you fall too?” and “Yes I fall” on my outer-wrists.
(1-21-10) Mason and I get back together for the second time.

February: I passed all of my TAKS tests. All I have to do to graduate is ride out the last few months of school.

March: Mason and I broke up AGAIN. I refuse to sit back and watch him destroy himself with drugs and I rise above the temptation to fall back into old habits with him. I vow to quit all the drugs and get over his bullshit.

I begin a new relationship with someone I’ve been friends with for 3 years. I care about him tremendously and hope that he’s the one I’ve been looking for.

I lose all of my friends who used to supply me with drugs after something bad went down between me and a friend that’d I’d felt was trying to destroy me mentally. I had no one. The craving to smoke increases and I stress on trying to keep myself set straight.

April: My stress due to family problems and school has me craving any drug I can get my hands on.

I come to the realization that I am who I am and no one can change me.
“* I am Jess.
* I am real.
* I am raw.
* I am a lover.
* I am a hater.
* I am a supporter.
* I am a rebel.
* I am smart.
* I am ignorant.
* I am tolerant.
* I am beautiful.
* I am hideous.
* I am funny.
* I am serious.
* I am a sweetheart.
* I am a hard ass.
* I am a freak.
* I am an everyday human being.
* I am a bitch.
* I am a doll.

I am whoever the fuck I will make of myself. If I want to be a politician, I’ll be a politician. If I want to be a fucking artist, I’ll be a fucking artist. If I want to be real and straight up and as fucking honest as you’ll ever see, I already am. If you want someone who will hold your head up when you need support and if you want someone who will smack your bitch ass back into reality when you’ve lost yourself, than you can handle being my friend. If not, fuck you, you aren’t worth my time.

I am me. And I’ll be however, whoever and whatever I want.”

May: I attended my senior prom with a group of friends. We went out to eat at a nice place then headed off to the dance. Afterwards, I as well as a group of friends proceed to get wasted.

(5-20-10) I get my septum pierced. It is my 14th piercing at the time.

June: (6-2-10) I get my second AFI tattoo. My “Sing The Sorrow” wings tattooed on my back. Video~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXwX7CQcz0U

(6-4-10) I graduate from GHS.

(6-8-10) I shaved my hair down into a Mohawk then proceeded to dye it my normal shade of bright red.

(6-14-10) I decide to move to Peoria, Illinois with Jessi.

July: I decide to stay behind and be with Chris (My new boyfriend).

I get a vertical labret piercing.

August: (7-12-10) I relapse after a huge verbal/physical fight with my sister and Chris gets into it with Ana’s friends. I have a huge melt down again.

(7-14-10) I was informed by a third party that my dad gave away my car (that was a grad present) to my cousin.

(7-25-10) Drama increases at Chris’s house. His younger brother is admitted to a mental hospital and his mom tries to kill herself.

Chris brakes his wrist in a bike accident. I borrow money from a friend to pay his medical bills.

(7-28-10) Thanks to Jessi’s kindness, Brandy, Chris and I attend the AFI/GD show in Dallas, TX.

September: Chris fucks up…big time. (See DF blog.) http://despairfaction.com/entry.php?...t-thing-Part-1.

http://despairfaction.com/entry.php?...t-thing-Part-2.

(9-3-10) The military finds Chris and takes him away. http://despairfaction.com/entry.php?...-blog-feed.%29

I take out my vertical labret.

(9-29-10) I get my first Placebo tattoo. “Protégé moi de mes desirs” on my inner left forearm.

October : I apply for a job at Old Navy in a nearby city.

I strike up a friendship with an amazing person. We begin to talk constantly.

November: I get called back and am interviewed for the job. I accept the offer and begin a temp sales job.

December: I finally got my driver’s license.

I pay for my flight out of Texas. I pick January 15th as my leaving date.

I celebrate my 19th birthday alone. Got my 4th tattoo of a yellow rose with the outline of Texas in the petals.




That’s really sums up my year. I know it’s not that exciting of a blog, but my life isn’t really that exciting. For those of you that actually took the time out of your day to read this, thank you. I look forward to moving out in 2 weeks and seeing where the new year takes me. Wish me luck, because I know I’m going to need it.

X:Jess Blaqk [DF]