The Night Broke
Kind of an off topic Rant.
by, 02-20-11 at 12:16 AM (607 Views)
I keep trying to be a more talkative person, and it keeps not working. Some people say that's okay, that's one of the best things about me. Other people say it's holding me back. I personally don't know. Does one have to be ultimately outgoing in order to make it places? I don't think so. I think it does hold me back with people. I get myself into situations where my "mild demeanor" cause me to get taken advantage of. At work, at home.. especially with my family. I'll go ahead and give a little background. My father is.. well, I probably shouldn't say those words. My mother is in prison, her girlfriend lives with her daughter after kicking my little sister out "just for a week" (she's now been living with me since June of last year), and my grandmother moved to South Carolina so she could get doped up for free. Yes, this is my family. Well, to move on to what I'm blogging about in the first place. I don't think anyone can tell you what it is about yourself that will decide what happens to you, or how your life will go. I don't think anyone can tell you what faith you have to have, if any. Sometimes, as quiet as I am, I get so fed up with everyone telling me what I should do. What I could do. Go back to school, be more assertive, do something with my art. There's a thousand different "What you should do is..." and not a single "What do you WANT to do?" anywhere. It kills me to hear it, and have it beaten into my head over and over. Between my family either trying to borrow money or get me to do something for them and everyone else trying to get me to do whatever new goal they have set for me. I'm twenty two and have been living on my own for what feels like more or less my entire life, at least since my sister was born (Not that I mind caring for her, I love her very much) and yet I still haven't earned the respect in people's eyes to do what I want to, when I want to.