by, 03-05-12 at 08:21 AM (780 Views)
I know the Titanic didn't sink without making some waves. I know that this doom we are facing was written to be several years before I was even involved. I know that I am still very much needed..... but I am also very much over worked.
I wouldn't bitch about it normally, until now, it all didn't even phase me. But I am want to abandon actions I find futile. They are all coming down on me. Me. The only one left. They ask too much, they demand even more. I can't hold up the entire institution, I would buckle even to try. I am not as great a person as I am thought to be.
And what will become of her? I was surprised when she actually forgave my month long absence and then re-assignment. But I did come back, I always come back. If this ship sinks, I wont be able to follow her, however. She will always have some place to go, but then I'll be in the water trying to swim. She wont forgive me this time, I know that.
I have this idea, that when you die, you have to answer all the right and wrong you did in your life. All the people who wittnessed your actions, good and bad, come forth and testify to your character. And you have to face it all....... I don't necessarily believe in it. But if it were a faith, I don't really know which side she would be on, or any of them for that matter.
I do the best I can, I'm human. I know that being human means just as much as it means nothing at all.