growing bitter with age
by, 05-05-12 at 12:19 PM (994 Views)
getting old kind of sucks. im in my 3rd year of college and i need 3 co-ops (paid internships) to graduate along with a butt ton of credits.
when i first started applying to co-ops, i had no doubt in my mind that i wouldnt have someone "call" me back. this year was technically my first year in the program, and most everyone applying for co ops has been in the major for at least 2 years. the upside, and downside, to having taken liberal arts for my first 2 years of college means that im already taking the more advanced courses for my major....but it also sucks because im stuck taking all of the advanced electives with no cushioning. but i digress.
anyway, i actually got emailed for an interview for a co-op at my school. its for a project called mindgamers, where my school, along with a professor from a different college, are teaming up to make a videogame to help combat stress, anxiety, and a lot of other disorders using biofeedback technology. i personally think it is a fantastic idea. i've been to therapy before and it did not help me one bit. i went only a few times, though. so i guess i didnt give it a chance. but when i go there and all they do is ask how my day went and focus on little things that dont matter and they dont actually get to the main reason im there, then yea. its a waste of my time. i feel that this game would make going to counseling a lot more worthwhile with the way the game will be set up.
so yea, i actually got called back for a 2nd interview this coming week. i was shocked because i thought i did awful the first time around. and another company not related to my school wants to interview me tomorrow. weiiird. at least i know im doing something right because the people we hang out with who've been here since their freshman year have yet to even get interviews.
i also lost someone who i thought was a friend the other week. and not lost in the sad way, but lost in the "wow youre a total douchebag" kind of way. he is this guy who acts super sweet and caring, but deep down he is a huge bully. one time we were all hanging out with friends and, being who i am, i got in a bad mood and got annoyed with how he and this one kid ALWAYS need to be right. so i got mad, said some things (all true things) and they both just left. later when i got back to my apartment, i noticed he posted a facebook status about empathy. i got paranoid that it was about me, but i just ignored it.
now, a few weeks later, we were all hanging out again and me and another friend were getting in a lil argument because we both get really competitive during mtg. the one guy who im no longer friends with said a card name and passed his turn. i asked if it was really spelled/pronounced "rice" and the friend i was competing with said, "no. its reese. he's just retarded." then the friend proceeded to get up and put the other guy in a freaking head lock. and it was not friendly or joking in the slightest. then he stopped, grabbed his stuff, and left. me, my bf, and roommate left after finishing that game and again, there was a facebook status from him about me. something like "this is why i should stay in my apartment. hostility breeds hostility." i was pissed. thats the 2nd time he got up and left and didnt even try talking to anyone about it. so me being the bigmouth that i am, commented on the status saying "this, along with the headlock, is a bit unnecessary." because i dunno, hes freaking 21 years old and still feels the need to write bitchy statuses like that knowing we will see them? so he then proceeded to bitch me out. calling me a bitch, saying i have no empathy blahblah. that made me even more mad so i said the whole "if you have something to say to me say it to my face instead of posting it on facebook" thing. because yea i may have been being a bit bitchy, but at least when i have problems i say them to peoples faces.
then another long, long post about how terrible i am, and then he called me a c*nt. he may say that i have no empathy, but calling me THAT on facebook infront of a lot of people? how is that not hypocritical? or how is that empathetic?
aside from him bitching me out, my boyfriend was also saying things to him because ever since he came into my room and threatened to punch my boyfriend, he hasnt considered him a friend. so my bf was saying stuff like "friends dont hurt other friends, they're supposed to have their backs in fights, not be in them." and one of douchebags friends liked the comment. of course the guy proceeded to say he has "NEVER" threatened anyone, but that sure isnt true. it made me happy too because after he called me the c word my boyfriend said dont ever talk to my girlfriend that way again. he doesnt usually stick up for me like that unless i say something, but he did it on his own.
needless to say, i deleted and blocked the hell out of him from everything i could. the funny thing? the friend i was arguing with in the first place and i are still friends. we always get in those stupid spats but they always resolve themselves. he just blew everything out of proportion because he likes to play the victim. "oh i have such terrible friends, my life sucks but i care so much about everyone else." youre not the victim. youre a bully who likes to drag people down with you to make their lives miserable too.
it also makes me sad that the friend who he always hits, writes petty facebook statuses about, and puts in choke holds still considers the guy a great friend. i didnt say anything to him about it because im trying really hard not to voice my opinion all the time seeing as it gets me in trouble..but there are a lot of things i will put up with to keep a good friend around. if a friend physically hurt me that way, though? i would never keep someone around who would treat me like that. i wish people would see that sometimes its better to not have that much negativity in your life and just let it go. friends are nice to have but if someone isnt being a true friend, you are better off without them.