Haley Ryane

Drifting

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Haley Ryane
, 01-22-08 at 06:24 PM (602 Views)
i've been drifting. like, my head is not thinking straight. i can't get anything done, not even finish half my sentences.
i think it has something to do with the fact that i very suddenly lost all of my venting pals. i have two best friends, the one i'm in love with and the one who's like my sister. i've been very distant from both of them.
my sister-like friend that i grew upwith seems to be drifting also, and we haven't-well...we have....
what i'm trying to say here is, we still talk about all kinds of deep important things, but i can't talk to her about any of the personal things going on deep in my head. she has no idea about any of my conflicts that are going on right now. and she seems...shallower or something.

anyway, since i recently stopped seeing my thereapist and stopped taking antidepressants, i hae felt knid of lost. nothing feels real, and i'm contantly wondering about these things that are driving me insane, and there's virtualy nobody to talk to about it, because every single one of my friends has decided to stop haning out with me, conecting with me, and bassically listening to me.
it's really great timing, all of it.
i guess i'm going to try to use this as something positive. i don't like how my style had ended up recently, so i'm going to be working on that...i guess since nothing seems real or solid anymore, i should just try to recreate myself into someone more consistent and coherent.
i keep telling people i'm an optimist, but nobody listens.

EDIT: i stopped seeing my therapist because she moved away, so it is too far to drive erevy week. and i stopped taking antidepressants because i never really wanted to start taking them, i was pressured into it by my parents, and the stupid things made me feel more sad than anything.

Updated 01-23-08 at 02:40 PM by Haley Ryane

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  1. Miraenda's Avatar
    haha, I like how you have a part 2 but you could have clicked edit to add that stuff (rather than do a part 2).

    Okay, so why did you choose to quit taking your antidepressants and seeing someone for treatment? Isn't my business, but you brought it up, so I'll throw that out for a question.

    Next, you are whatever you feel like you are, so if you think you are optimistic, then you are. I am not an optimist or a pessimist, I'm a realist personally. I've been saying that for years (even posted on a forum of mine about how it works a few years ago). So here's the litmus test question on which you really happen to be, that whole dorky glass of water deal. When you look at a glass of water that has half liquid and half no liquid, what do you see?

    - The glass is half full
    - The glass is half empty
    - You can't make a decision on it until you know what's going on with the glass

    An optimist would supposedly think it's half full; a pessimist half empty and a realist the last one. A realist realizes the glass of water can't be taken out of context (nor can life itself), you have to decide what's happening with the glass to determine what state it would be in. If someone is pouring water into the glass, it's half full. If someone is drinking from the glass, it's half empty. Honestly, you can't just take a glass of water and determine what it is without the details behind it.

    Such is life. If you go to a park at night and get mugged, you will have a propensity as a realistic person to believe you could get mugged there again or it isn't safe to go there at night. That isn't being pessimistic, it's being realistic based on prior experiences.

    Anyway, I've written a hell of a lot (sorry about that), but maybe you are an optimist, maybe you aren't. Guess it depends on where your hope lies on the matter. Do you hope for the best and not believe in the worst even when it happens? Likely then you are an optimist. I will hope things improve for you. Realistically, it's entirely possible.
    Updated 01-22-08 at 06:56 PM by Miraenda
  2. Janelle's Avatar
    Why did you stop seeing your therapist & taking your antidepressants? It seems like if you'd start doing those again things would improve.