by, 01-22-08 at 06:24 PM (602 Views)
i've been drifting. like, my head is not thinking straight. i can't get anything done, not even finish half my sentences.
i think it has something to do with the fact that i very suddenly lost all of my venting pals. i have two best friends, the one i'm in love with and the one who's like my sister. i've been very distant from both of them.
my sister-like friend that i grew upwith seems to be drifting also, and we haven't-well...we have....
what i'm trying to say here is, we still talk about all kinds of deep important things, but i can't talk to her about any of the personal things going on deep in my head. she has no idea about any of my conflicts that are going on right now. and she seems...shallower or something.
anyway, since i recently stopped seeing my thereapist and stopped taking antidepressants, i hae felt knid of lost. nothing feels real, and i'm contantly wondering about these things that are driving me insane, and there's virtualy nobody to talk to about it, because every single one of my friends has decided to stop haning out with me, conecting with me, and bassically listening to me.
it's really great timing, all of it.
i guess i'm going to try to use this as something positive. i don't like how my style had ended up recently, so i'm going to be working on that...i guess since nothing seems real or solid anymore, i should just try to recreate myself into someone more consistent and coherent.
i keep telling people i'm an optimist, but nobody listens.
EDIT: i stopped seeing my therapist because she moved away, so it is too far to drive erevy week. and i stopped taking antidepressants because i never really wanted to start taking them, i was pressured into it by my parents, and the stupid things made me feel more sad than anything.