MalloryBV

Oh my god, this is going to be so very long. But it will be fun too, I promise. So I guess I will start off with the fact that last night I saw Tiger Army at the Ottobar in Baltimore, Maryland with The Unseen and The War Tapes. Here is what happened....

So we got to the Ottobar at about 7:30, the doors opened at 8. We were the third people in line after a woman and two boys. I was with my friends Matt, Natasha, and Maggie and two of their moms. The doors opened and we went in, it was absolutely tiny. It had a small bar upstairs and a tiny makeshirft looking stage at the front. We got up to it and immediately. My friend Maggie and I took front and center, whilst Matt and Natasha had a little nook on the side of the stage and the adults went upstairs. It gradually started to fill up as The War Tapes came out and started setting up. They came on and were immediately...very interesting. They were all dressed nicely, and they looked fancy rather like Blaqk Audio in suits and so forth. Except they had a girl bassist, who always looked very upset and way too sparkly. They sounded pretty decent, except well, the lead singer was prancing around like he was Davey Havok. And no one even knew who these people were. He was screaming in people's faces, dancing around, folding up and screaming, pretending to strangle himself with the microphone, and just generally being far too dramatic for everyone there. He kept singing right in front of me and his crotch was about 5 inches away from my face. I guess it could have been worse. I did think he was a good singer, just far too dramatic. They had an adorable bassist who looked like a baby monkey.

Then, The Unseen came out and started setting up. I knew who they were, I had just never listened to them. I was so impressed by Mark Unseen's mowhawk. It was absolute perfection. So as they were setting up, some HXC kids made thier way behind me. I basically listened to them plotting my death. Saying things such as "Dude we are going to jump the fuck over this little girl." and "She'll move if she knows what's fucking good for her." So I was a little tense, as I have never been to a REAL punk show before. Sure enough, when they started playing, these kids went insane. Actually, the whole crowd went insane. It was one mad stage dive after another, one crowd surfer after another. The best part was Mark pulling the crowd sufers on to the stage and then shoving them off to dive. He looked like he was having so much fun the whole time. Then I started getting so smushed, I had to be pulled into the side nook with my other friends. I am very small you see (4'10") and I was getting pretty beaten up. I was still enjoying the show very much from the little nook. Then some awful stoner came over shouting about how she had lost her earring and could we help her find it. I have never seen anyone so stoned. And then she was demanding my friend help her get on stage, so she could look for her earring there. Then she dover off and got the hell away from us finally. I was having an awesome time even though I didn't know any of the songs, and they all sounded the same to me. Some kid who got up on stage tried to jump up on to this shelf thing on the wall, and it snapped right off. Mark was laughing so hard he stopped singing.

Towards the end of their set, the crowd went seriously mental. Someone dove off and landed 100% upon my friend Matt, knocking him over. I flipped out because the crowd was so intense and I figured he was going to be completely trampled. I A fat guy in an organe shirt tried to run right over him and I elbowed him right in the gut and I was shouting "Get out of my way!" MATT MATT!" Then, our angel landed. He was a semi large man who looked a little like a very young Smith Puget with a black hat on. He picked Matt up, and apparently he had been holding me back because otherwise, I would have gotten trampled myself. We thanked him, and continued on enjoying the show. I guess when I had my head turned Mark flipped into the crowd or something, because I turned back around and he was RIGHT THERE. I hugged him from behind and patted his shoulder. Then he escaped the insanity and the set ended. It was so great.

So then they started setting up for Tiger Army. There was a cool man in glasses who was doing mostly everything. Eveyone got pretty excited when they brought out the electric green, tiger striped, stand up bass. Then this...is where it gets really good. A bearded man walked across the stage. He looked pretty normal with a hat and he had really crazy teeth, this man was Smith Puget. I absolutely lost my mine when I realized it was him. I knew he had been at the show in Vancouver, but I thought that was just because it was on the west coast. But there he was, bearded, right in front of me. I was so surprised I started shouting. "SMITH! SMITH!" My friends and I were all shouting. He turned around and kind of gave us a nervous half smile, like he didn't really want to be recognized. He kind of settled himself in a corner. I held up my left hand which said "I <3 YOU" on my palm. I wrote it for Nick 13, but Smith needed it. I also blew him a kiss and waved. He read my hand, laughed and pretended to catch my kiss. I guess he stopped being completely freaked out after that.

Tiger Srmy was taking a hell of a long time to come out. The man with the glasses was just sitting around playing with the instruments, and it was now about 11:15. They came on about 15 minutes later, finally. By the way, at this time there was a man in a banana costume next to me. Seriously. So they came on and everyone flipped out. They played these songs (give or take a few) and not in this order:
prelude: signal return
rose of the devils garden
true romance
afterworld
pain
forever fades away
cupid's victim
lunatone

The sound was pretty horrible, and I was right next to the speaker. When I could hear Nick singing, he sounded excellent. Geoff was dancing around, playing the bass really hard core, and just generally being awesome. People strted getting rowdy again, but they weren't having it this time luckily. They had a gaurd that looked rather like TRacy Morgan come up and shove crowd surfers down, along with the guy with the glasses. Then I look over and Smith is RIGHT next to me! I was like !!!!!!!!! I just patted his arm. I love Smith. He had to basically tackle some guy. This man in the AFI "I hate punk rock" shirt kept trying to crowd surf. Geoff told everyone to quiet down and they pretty much did after that. Everyone was just having so much fun and the energy is fantastic. Sadly the set ended and it was all over. I bought myself a nice shirt, and I told Mark he was great. He gave me a little Unseen postcard thing. So I have to say I had more fun here than at Blaqk Audio. On the way hom my friends mom made two great contributions. She found out that Nick's real name is Kearny Nicholas Jones, which I think is amazing. And she said:
"You know why Nick and Davey are such good friends? Because they are both the shortest men on earth. Absolute midgets." I laughed so hard.

Get ready for my fan girl moment. I admit it, Nick is absolutely delicious in person and I am so jealous of his beautifully clean armpits. They are the nicest, best shaven or waxed ones I have ever seen. Sorry Davey.