by, 06-14-08 at 01:46 AM (427 Views)
You know what? This ain't workin'. Living at home is eating me alive. It's not even that my parents are that horrible. The fights aren't so heated. My summer job isn't terrible. It's just...this place. This house. This town that broke me only those three, four years ago. Ripped me near apart. IT is what made me this way, you know. It threw me into the most unimaginably deep depression, I've only just recently been able to break the surface again.
God, I was stupid for coming back. Stupid enough to think that I could handle being here again; that I could take this horrid house and make it mine. Stupid Me. This isn't your home. It was your undoing! Try as you might, you can't change that!
Now I have the option to move back and shack up with the boyfriend for the summer. I'm going to take it.
My family will never understand why, but I know they'll forgive me. One day. For now, I need to do what's best for me. I need to find out who I am and what I can do. Because, shit. Call me selfish all you want, Mom and Dad. But how can you ever expect me to be there for my family if I'm not even secure in who I am? I need to build me first, okay?