by, 11-22-08 at 10:35 PM (362 Views)
I'm forever the backup. Seriously.. the back up friend, the back up girl, the back up Cunneen for gods sake.
I've got a couple of best friends, and normally I love spending time with them. But they've all got best mates they've known longer, and a lot of the time these days they're making plans with me - then cancelling them for their other mate. It sounds selfish and I don't think I can really blame anyone, but it's just really fucking me off. I feel unwanted.
As for the back up girl, I think you'll all get that one. The last few relationships I've been in have been the kind where we'll hang out occasionally, do things couples do, until a hotter girl comes along. Usually it's one of my two mates who ALWAYS get the guys. So my guy and my friend go off happy chappy together for a while until said friend ends it, and he comes back. :/
I'm in a pretty good relationship now, but I still feel like the back up girl. We hardly get to see eachother because he's out golfing every day with his mother and doesn't get in until late. That's not where I start feeling back-uppy ha, there's this friend of his(a girl) who is forever calling him upset and crying. I feel bad for her. I mean it sounds like she has some serious stuff going on, but she has had a humungous crush on him for years. She demands his attention a helluva a lot of the time. Plus she offloads a lot of her misery onto him so I'd feel bad if I did it too. Therefore I don't anymore.
Back up Cunneen.. well, that's pretty much because everyone loves my brother and sister. My sister is pretty awesome, and girls are always praising her for being a great friend etc, and guys fall head over heels for her. Same goes for my bro, except I don't really see why a lot of the time. He's dropped out of school, got a crapy job, smells like shit 24/7 and is always out of cash. I know guys like that, and there is fuck all appeal there. Everyone talks to me about how lucky I am to have such awesome siblings, and I always get people raving to me about how great they are. I do love them, I just hate feeling so left out compared to them.
Plus I've actually had people tell me I'm their last resort, and back up. "Because I know you'll always be there for me! " It doesn't make me feel any better, people, just makes me feel like even more of a loser waiting for you to get over your infatuations with my siblings and your friends.
I dunno, it's probably something like .... youngest child syndrome? Either way it sucks.
I pretty much never post anything happy on this blog.. I guess I'm taking advantage on the Despair part.