Pretend To Write This Down.

Okay this turned into a (realllllllllllllllllly long) fucking essay, but I really need somewhere to vent, you know? If you read it all.. bravo, dude.

----From here on out it's going to be talk about lady bits. If you aren't too fond of the topic, I suggest you stop reading! I don't think I'm going to go into too much gross detail, but you know.----

I didn't mention this in my list, but on the day I had my appendix out, they didn't know what the problem was so I got tested for a slew of things. I was introduced to the internal ultrasound that day. Jeeeeeeez. They were looking for ovarian cysts, which they totally found. That also meant my doc had to personally check me out to see if I felt any pain, and since there wasn't it meant the cysts weren't the problem, even though he said I should have it checked out in the future.

So anyway, since 2006, I haven't really been to a hospital or a specialist. We've been good. I turned 20 in November and my mom really started bugging me about seeing a gyno. I'm still holding the v card and I don't like anybody seeing the downstairs so I put it off as much as I could.

My periods have been incredibly irregular/inconsistent ever since I started getting them. For the first year or so, everybody tells you to expect irregularity. After 6 or so years though.. I would like a regular schedule. I recently started googling around and discovered it could be so many things! Fixable things! And the more I looked, the more I realized I had several symptoms of a lot of those things.

It took almost two months for a period to come, so I decided that was as good a reason as any to finally suck it up and see a gyno. Thankfully I had it before the appointment so I didn't have to worry about rescheduling and could give them accurate info. Since I mentioned the issue, they got me in REALLY quickly which was so awesome of them.

The appointment was Monday. I actually sat down with the doctor in his office and went over my history. Is this normal for gynos? I've always had nurses take my history so I was a little surprised. Anyway, we finally got to my, er, 'situation' and he instantly said he thought it was Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Remember those cysts they found on Appendix Day? Makes total sense! One of the problems with PCO is that it causes your body to develop an insulin intolerance so it takes more and more to do its job. I had to change my diet to decrease my insulin levels and start working out everyday to get my weight down because I'm a fatty. Fair enough. He said since I wasn't doing it, I didn't really need a full-out exam yet, so we scheduled that for a few months down the road. I did, however, need an internal ultrasound (fuck my life) and some blood tests.

Yesterday morning I got my blood tests done. Nothing special to say about that, except that I have a 'thing' for blood so I found it all a little exciting. Also, in the last week I have donated blood, had a fairly massive nosebleed, and had blood drawn for testing. I think I'm reaching the limit.

Today was the dreaded internal ultrasound. I spent all day specifically not thinking about it, and then when the time actually came.. I was surprisingly unaffected. I just seemed to not care at all which I still don't understand. Even when the time came, I was really calm about it. Maybe it's because she didn't look at all or because I had been through it before, I don't know. I remember being very traumatized about it the first time around!

Anyway, apparently my ovaries are higher up than most people's because she couldn't see them. So she went to normal ultrasound mode on my tummy, which I was more self-conscious about. Go figure! She found righty fairly quickly, but looked for lefty for a good five minutes. She couldn't find it, so I had to lay on my right side for ten minutes to let my bladder fill up. Apparently that helps? Anyway, she came back in and tried again but couldn't find it. I don't know where my left ovary went, but it's hiding behind my intestines, apparently.

This is where I started getting upset. She told me that righty was about 2.5 cm, which is normal. People with PCO have ovaries that are 5+ cm, and you certainly don't have a hard time finding one.

I now, once again, have NO idea what is wrong with me. I'm concerned about insulin levels and don't know if I need to be, I'm really confused as to where my left ovary went, and I don't know when anybody is calling me with results of any kind.

I just want fixed. It took SIX YEARS of gallbladder attacks to figure out that it was, in fact, my gallbladder (it was tricksy) and I don't want to go through that with my lady bits.

I just.. what the fuck went wrong when my organs got made? It just feels like, at some point, I'm going to have to deal with each one of them in their own annoying way. I have singlehandedly cost our insurance company more money than the rest of my family combined.

This has everybody in my family concerned and I'm just so frustrated with everything.