The Curious Case of Diane Elisabeth

My sister passed away.

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While I was in Wisconsin.

She passed away early Sunday morning and I didn't get to say goodbye. Fuck, I hadn't even seen her since Valentine's Day.

I got the call at 6:30 Sunday morning and my mom told me that she died. I did alright. I mean, I cried, of course but it wasn't too bad. I had a couple more breakdowns that day.

I basically burst into tears when I walked in the door though. Her memorial is tomorrow. She was cremated so there isn't going to be an actual funeral or anything. I can't wrap my head around that she is actually gone. I keep getting these random spurts of memories, like when she did my hair for Junior and Senior prom and shopping with her. It's really, really hard for me to handle.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow at all. I've had a migraine pretty much nonstop and the crying isn't helping at all.

I already miss her so much.

Updated 03-13-09 at 10:26 AM by Diane

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Jeannie

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  1. Haras Nosnhoj's Avatar
    Aw Diane I'm really sorry. Don't feel bad about not being able to say goodbye. I know it's a totally shitty feeling but it was beyond your control.

    <33
  2. Rachelle's Avatar
    I just saw this while looking at the recent blogs, and I know we don't know each other, but I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard to deal with something like that would be. Again, I am so sorry.
  3. Rachel!'s Avatar
    Diane, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how that must feel. Sarah's right, it may not feel good at all but it wasn't your fault that you weren't there. I'm sure she was very proud and appreciative to have you there all that time. You were so strong for her. <3 I think it's really wonderful that you did so much for her. I know it's hard and that you miss her, but the important thing is how great you were to her while you could be and how much you still love her.

    If you ever need to talk, I'm always here. I am so, so sorry. I love you! And I'm proud of you for being so strong for her. I'm sure she is, too. <3
  4. C.J's Avatar
    I'm so sorry and good luck tomorrow. I don't know if this is really the same but I remember the weekend my grandpa died. It was a Saturday morning and we were eating breakfast. He called, like he did every weekend and I was annoyed and didn't want to talk to him. I made my dad lie for me so I could go off and do something else. He died the next morning of a heart attack and I felt so horrible for so long but after some time, I got over it. It still affects me but I've learned to live with it.

    Get some good sleep tonight love <3
  5. sarah b's Avatar
    I am so very sorry, Diane. Like everyone else has said, don't feel bad about not physically being there. It sounds like you were there for her in ways that she needed, and from just the small amount that you shared in your blogs, it's clear how very much you loved her...she had to have known it too.

    My heart goes out to you and your family. <3
  6. Diane's Avatar
    Thanks everyone. I feel like I wasn't there enough, though. I saw her once since she was diagnosed while everyone else saw her nearly everyday.

    Tomorrow is going to be the hardest day I've ever dealt with, I'm sure. I am still crying off and on and I feel like I'm about to hurl. I want it all to be over with, but most importantly, I wish I could have my sister back. I feel like I was cheated or something. The night before she died she told her best friend that she wasn't ready to die. It hurts my heart so much to know that she wasn't ready.
  7. Cei's Avatar
    I'm so sorry, Diane Good luck tomorrow.
  8. Shana's Avatar
    Oh, Diane. I am so sorry. Don't beat yourself up for not being there physically. I am certain she knew how much you love her and that is what really matters. I wish there was some magical thing to say that would make it all better...

    Hang in there. Keep her in your heart. You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
  9. Nicky's Avatar
    My condolences. Hopefully it will get easier with time.
  10. Undercover's Avatar
    I'm so, so, so sorry Diane.
    I don't know what else to say. But in time it will get easier. And you'll always have the good times to remember, look back on and smile.
    I love you.
  11. Cherol's Avatar

    Diane, I'm so sorry.
    Good luck tomorrow, and I agree with everyone, you can't beat yourself up about not being there. She knew how much you love her, guaranteed.
    <3
  12. areyouin's Avatar
    I'm so sorry to hear it, but now she isn't in pain anymore, and you wouldnt want your sister in pain.
    I know how it feels to lose someone without saying goodbye, my dad passed away last november and I can't remember our last conversation. But be strong, she'll always be in your heart and your memories. <33
  13. atrophy's Avatar
    I'm so sorry hun. Like J2 said, remember the good times. I wish you good luck tomorrow.
    <33333333333

    xoxoxoxo
  14. maybelline's Avatar
    Awww...I am so sorry for your loss <3 - You are in my prayers.
  15. ANDREA's Avatar
    I just saw this while browsing and I am very very sorry for your loss. I'm sure she knew how you cared for her, just remember the good times and keep her alive in your memories. <3
  16. vampiricangel's Avatar
    Diane, I am so sorry. I know how you feel. My grandmother died on Monday. Don't beat yourself up that you didn't get to say goodbye. Just remember the times you spent with her and treasure them .
  17. Katie.'s Avatar
    I'm so sorry, hon. <3
  18. Jessica B's Avatar
    Diane, I am so so sorry. <333 I've never experienced something like this so I can't even imagine how this is for you. Don't beat yourself up for not being there, you loved her so much and that's all that matters. I really hope the best for you and your family, and you know that if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm always here. <3333
  19. Smegz's Avatar
    Hey, I was just looking through the recent blogs like a few others and saw this.
    I'm so sorry about this, I couldn't even imagine what its like... I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
  20. Paige!'s Avatar
    I love you, Diane. I'm so sorry. <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
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