aRE yOu afraId of thE DarK?

This week has felt like two.

Or three.

This whole year has been pretty easy on me as far as HOMEWORK goes.

I did fail the first (and last) course ever, and the classes overall are intense, but I have loved how the hard work was dealt with in the classrooms. However, this week has not been that way. In fact, the past two weeks have not been that way.

I have had HUGE amounts of homework. I have not been able to do ONE thing "reacreationally", not even practice clarinet for wind ensemble AND concert band. I have been completely and utterly STRESSED OUT.

I have always worked well under pressure - very well. I am not lying when am saying that up until this moment, I have never, ever felt anxiety and stress, and it slapped me good and well in the face. What was extra ridiculous is that in my school, the history teacher and English teacher in your schedule work on lesson plans and homework assignments TOGETHER, and both teachers assigned HUGE amounts of work when they are well aware of what the other is doing.

On top of that, every day this week has had at least two tests for me to study for. I honestly never realized how much good free time is. Even a mini-break for 10 minutes is so crucial to function poroperly. Me not being able to play my music or write or chat on the phone once in while really took a toll on me, and it's not something I realized until the very end of this week. I feel like I was losing it and didn't know it.

My parents have been kinda on top of me. During school nights, they can't stand when I'm up even a little past 10 o'clock. They want me to get my sleep, whatever, but I wanna get good grades, too. So when my mom asks me yesterday (as she ALWAYS does), "Do you have a lot of homework?" I say, "No, I don't." Yesterday, I honestly underestimated my homework amount. I thought what I was assigned was going to be easy enough, and I then asked, "Can I go with you and Mark (my brother) to his guitar lesson?" I especially love seeing Sal, the instructor, for he's a family friend and my keyboard teacher as well. Mom said, "Sure." When I got home, I started on my homework, I saw that halfway through it was gonna be a longer night than expected. I knew I wasn't gonna have time for American Idol. So, I run a LITTLE overtime and am showering around 10:15, which is FIFTEEN minutes past my bedtime. Yeah. So Mom barges in the bathroom without knocking and proceeds to yell at me and ask me why I lied to her about my homework and why I'm still up. I told her that I didn't appreciate her complete lack of courtesy and I told her I should not apologize for underestimating my amount of homework and that she should respect the fact that I'm even taking this much time to do it thoroughly. She told me I was full of crap. THEN my dad came in to say good night and asked me why Mom was yelling. I told him, and he basically criticized me on how poorly I handle my homework routine (YEAH, so now there's a routine? What?) and that I need to change.

Now what was so extra ridiculous is that my parents are never anywhere near this crazy over anything like this, so why did they choose this week to suddenly be that way?

The worst part of it was RIGHT after Dad left the room and said good night, I could suddenly feel...wait, what was that?...tears at the back of my eyes? I never cry. Why over this now all of a sudden? I guess it was one of those things where one things builds up to another, and one LITTLE thing pushes you the wrong way and you're just done.

I put on my headphones, listened to some music and fell asleep.

On the flip side, today is Friday. I went to go see the school musical "Back To The 80's". I had many friends in it and it was very, very well done and entertaining. A good mood-booster.

Today was also our first NICE spring day, and so I celebrated with a wonderful, springy outfit. It made me happy.

The fact that we have to only read for homework this weekend also made me happy.

And tonight and tomorrow I will just be a hermit to my bedroom and do whatever the hell I please.

Yay!

currently wearing: "orange sherbert polo" (so-called by friends) with pink, red, white, yellow, and orange printed fabric belt over, khakis, white sneakers.
currently listening to: "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins.